A popular trend in the personal development field is the notion that everything you have in your life right now is 100% your responsibility. In many ways that is true. However, there may be psychological wounds, scars, and sensitivities that you struggle with today that are not 100% your responsibility.
In some cases, you have zero responsibility for the creation of the injuries and weaknesses that still persist. But you do have 100% responsibility for what you do about them now and how you choose to react to them. Let me explain.
A person who was physically or emotionally abused or neglected by a parent as a child (0-17) is not responsible for that abuse or neglect. They did nothing to cause it to happen. They may have been a difficult, rebellious, or spirited child or teen, but they were children and therefore they cannot be held 100% responsible. Their parents or guardians hold most of the responsibility — 90%. A child’s responsibility exists, but only at a small percentage — 10%. Why? Because their brain is not yet fully developed and their life experience very limited.
If there is a medically confirmed brain abnormality and “not” a grossly over diagnosed psychological “disorder,” then a parent’s direct responsibility is removed but their responsibility to secure professional help is the same.
There is, of course, a gradual shift in responsibility, in particular areas and degrees, when a person reaches adulthood. This responsibility slowly increases as the person learns how to live in their parent’s home or out in the world on their own.
Most childhood scars never become 100% your responsibility. But how you choose to deal with them now is. I have found that spending huge amounts of time, energy, and money on “past self-analyzing” books, seminars, and therapy trying to figure things out is a waste of time and energy. Your time and energy will be better spent on releasing the past and focusing on what you want and need.
You may need to fill in the things you missed in your childhood yourself. For example, if you were not adequately loved or praised as a child, you need to learn to do those things for yourself. Relying on a lover or a friend to fulfill this need will never satisfy you to the degree you require. And it’s unreliable and inconsistent. Learning to love yourself unconditionally is the first step.
The other part is identifying what you want in all areas of your life. Once you do that, you will attract it, be drawn toward it, and motivated to seek it. Do not let your insecurities or fears determine what you want. Dream big!
An excellent way to get started is by making a list of the 10-25 things you want. Then put your list in a place where you can easily review it daily.
As you get older and learn more, you may revise your list of dreams. That’s okay. It’s normal. Do not force yourself to hold on to goals that you discover later are not a good fit for you. This is especially true for those that were strongly encouraged by someone close to you, the media, or society. Release them and move on. And do not give up on dreams that were strongly discouraged by someone either.
If you were molded in some negative ways as a child it not 100% your responsibility. How you mold yourself as an adult is. Release the unpleasant memories of your past and live today as though you have already achieved your dreams. This mindset will attract (LoA