Each time we surrender to fears, cravings, or insecurities we are relinquishing our power to these excuses. In contrast, each time we take charge of our behavior and push past our fears, cravings, or insecurities we gain strength.
It takes more than a single confrontation of your fears, cravings, or insecurities to defeat them and gain strength and confidence. The ability to deal with them comes after repeated successful confrontations. The more that you get into the habit of facing them and not giving in, the fewer you’ll have to contend with in the future. If you get into the habit of giving in, the number and strength of your fears, cravings, or insecurities will grow.
Here are some examples.
If you have a fear of public speaking, like most of us do, and you are asked to speak in front of a group, you must decide who’s in charge — you or your fear. If you allow your fear to control you, then you are giving up your power to it. On the hand, if you accept the invitation, face your fear, and do the speech you’ll add another strand of strength to your public speaking portfolio. Eventually, there’ll be no internal debate about who’ll be in charge.
If you are constantly fighting cravings to eat junk food, then you’ve given in to them too many times before. Your cravings are in control, not you. You’ve developed an internal script for giving in. If you fight your cravings by ignoring them and taking charge of your thoughts you’ll soon regain control. You’ll need to accumulate a string of successes before you’ll confidently know that you’ve taken control. At that point, your cravings will no longer have any power over you and you’ll only be interested in healthy foods.
If you are insecure about losing a romantic relationship and you are surrendering to that insecurity by allowing your partner to treat you poorly, then you have given up control. You have given up control to your insecurities and therefore to your partner as well. To regain control, you need to face the possibility that they could leave at any time, and how well you would handle it if they did. The more you face this insecurity the more confidence you’ll gain in your ability to deal with it. The amazing thing about relationship insecurities is that the more insecure you are the more you drive your partner away and the more confident you are the more they are attracted to you.